Red Neck Church

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear."

The Snake and The Bunny

The Snake and the Bunny

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.....

I'd say you must be either; a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management."