* I love cats ... they taste just like chicken
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
* MONTANA -- At least our cows are sane!
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
* It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
* Wink, I'll do the rest!
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* i souport publik edekasion
* The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
* I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
* I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.